Kneel down and kiss the motherfuckin’ ring!

Packerland’s

MONEY MANZIEL

is the 2014 League Champion!

First things first dude, now that you are Lombardi Three elite you gotta think about a Packer-themed name this offseason. Here are a few humble suggestions….

General McCarthy
Armed Rodgery
Favre Dollar Footlong (he may play a down in 2015)
Every Kiss Begins with Clay
Fifty Shades of Clay
James Starks of Winterfell
Rise of the ChupaCobbra
Corn Cobb Pipe
Corn on the Cobb
Kuhn on the Cobb
HaKuhna Matata
Eddie and the Bruisers
Lacy Panties
Lacy Underall
Da Adams Family
BJ and the Banjo
Everybody Loves a BJ…Raji that is…

Each of which are my intellectual property, but I will rent one to you for $69.99 next season. I heard you are up one hundy, so let me help you investment it the right way. Here’s a VIDEO that may arouse further inspiration.

Seriously, it’s about goddamned time one of us cheeseheads brought that trophy home to Titletown where it belongs. After two seasons we watched Skins and Pats fans take the throne. Money Manziel took matters in to his own hands and dropped a gold-filled safe on the soul of first seed, regular season champion, league commissioner, fantasy dictator, cocksure wise guy, Air Jordy, in the first round of the playoffs. Manziel’s playoff run took down the eventual 2nd and 3rd place finishers including Tom Brady fan-boy, the White Wes Welkers (aka Mr. Ugg Boots), and our vainglorious newcomer, Eastside Forty-Ounces. Over the 3-week playoffs, he outscored the rest of the league by an average of 34.76 points.

We naysayers can point to dramatic players, circumstantial outcomes, alternate scenarios, schedules, waiver wires, or whatever bullshit helps us sleep at night. Truth is, this game is all about being in the right place at the right time, getting what you can when you need it, and hoping the guy you’re playing that week is one step behind you. Money Manziel has one thing to say to each one of us – don’t hate the player, hate the game.

Many congrats fam. My side gift to you – Laura Scaborozi (the hottest Packer fan alive)