Ball Gazer Results (first 14 games)
9-4-1
Davante’s Inferno, Reason to Kerrigan
8-5-1
Bagel Time
7-6-1
SKOLya’gain, Trouble Hunter, Whitey Ford’s Team
6-7-1
Unlockin’ Yo Schtuff, The Brady Bundchen
5-8-1
Tannehill4President
0-14
Christian’s Brothers, Filthadelphia, Wanted Dez or Alive
Between the Falcons, Saints, and Titans, we were all busted by Miller Time on Sunday. Of note:
- SKOLya’gain was the only gazer that thought the Bills would win on the road, led by camo-hat humper Sean McDermott, their mayo-salad trio of “country-strong” quarterbacks, and an NFL assembly line of failed wideouts. WTF J?
- All of us incorrectly picked the Saints over the Bucs. *This upset squashed 182 teams in my Survivor League (approximately 28% of this coalition of degenerate gamblers = $3,640). This game was the surest lock in Vegas. For Fitzpatrick and the Bucs to put up 48 in Week 1 was undeniably absurd. Fitz threw for four TDs and even added a rushing TD to his stat sheet. He was the second leading rusher on the team. The Bucs punted once…one time the entire game. WTF New Orleans?
- We all correctly picked the Packers to win – duh. A game that will go down as another legendary performance on the resume of the GOAT – Aaron Charles Rodgers. Dude hobbled around on one leg the entire second half and surgically ripped the Bears defense apart. He deserves every penny of his contract, as well as Head Coach Mike McCarthy’s paycheck and the entire Offensive Line’s paychecks. WTF Gutekunst?
- The Steelers and Browns tied – which means none of us get credit for it. WTF klutch?
A Tie is not a win. Additionally, this was addressed last season in the league Constitution when we encountered an unscheduled Week 1 BYE in Miami due to weather. History almost repeated itself yesterday with the Titans-Dolphins weather delays. We have already modified the language in the Constitution to defer to a Win % (in lieu of number of wins) if such an instance like postponed games, or a Tie, occurs.
Keep a weather eye out this weekend as Hurricane Flo rolls on to the east coast. Tampa Bay, Jacksonville, and Atlanta are all at home. Should be interesting. If any of those games are postponed, I will update win percentage requirements and send a note out on expectations.
- I only received 9 out of 12 Week 1 Ball Gazer submissions.
This will be addressed via Constitutional Amendment. At the beginning of the season, we did a roll call to engage owner’s intent and encourage maximum commitment. Do know, that there are a handful of very active fantasy owners chomping at the bit to play in our league. As league commissioner, I already think there is an undesirable level of league vivacity (trades, communication, participation). If this is just another league in your annual fantasy portfolio, that’s cool, but please assess your level of investment. In the meantime, as League Commissioner, I enact the following Constitutional Amendment, applicable at the conclusion of Week 2.
13.5.3 – Spicoli: No shirt, no shoes, no dice. Any team that does not participate in the previous week’s Ball Gazer submission does not receive the advantage of Amendment 13.5.1 – Shrinking Balls. For the next week’s submission, the previously non-participating team will be obligated to meet the previous week’s win requirements. This penalty will carry over to the final week until participation is realized. Learn it, know it, live it.
Final Notes:
In the spirit of Constitutional Amendments, I realized this year that there are some unspoken rules of the game, that apparently need to be vocalized.
We traditionally drafted on Labor Day weekend over the years to gain maximum insight and avoid any issues with preseason injuries, roster cuts, team trades, etc. Most importantly, to avoid injuries. However, drafting over Labor Day interrupted many owners vacation and travel plans. To address that, we decided to accept some risk and do the draft a week earlier, typically after the conclusion of Preseason Week 3.
Over the years I have played fantasy football, if a drafted player gets injured during preseason play, the team owner has courtesy rights to that player’s backup or handcuff, if and only if that player is still a free agent. This is a civil courtesy we extend to each other, to counter the risk in early drafting, and to keep the league competitive at the start of the season. Once the regular season begins, it is survival of the fittest. Until then, let’s keep this competitive and fair. As League Commissioner I enact the following Constitutional Amendment.
18.1 – Courtesy Flush: If any drafted player is injured during preseason play, and will miss a significant amount of time (minimum 3 weeks), the owner of the injured player has first right of refusal on that player’s undrafted backup or handcuff. This amendment is void during regular season play.
Til’ Thursday then. Keep your ear to the grindstone and keep an umbrella on you.
-The Commish
The Lombardi Three 
