Now is the winter of our discontent. There’s no point to any of this. It’s all just a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So, we take pleasure in the details. The following review serves as a brief justification for the ontological necessity of the modern day fantasy footballer’s existential dilemma.
We went from two weeks of snoozers and losers, to Upset City – at least for the top two-thirds of the playoff bracket. The bottom feeders in the 9 through 12 slots have remained horizontal – as flat as a dead man’s cardiograph. The League History tables will not be kind to these team owners. I gotta say, of these four teams, I don’t know how Guns N Rosens fucked this up so bad. He has the top WR and TE in a PPR fantasy football league and just picked up his fourth win…in Week 15. Mind-boggling.
The top four teams won in the first and second weeks of the playoffs leaving little room for excitement. Although, I knew this snoozefest wouldn’t last. We’ve never had a #1 or #2 seed win the League Championship. The winner of the #1 draft pick did pull off a League Championship twice over our previous seven seasons, but in both years that was merely coincidence. The #1 picks weren’t the key factors in their resulting success. If there are any patterns to discern here, I’d lean towards a statistical repeat of our 2013 season.
For Filthadelphia I’m sure this hurts. We’ve been there. For some, multiple times. But McCaffrey or not, this wasn’t a lock. Filthy didn’t run away with anything statistically. He was third in weekly average and only had one position leader. He’s currently averaging seventh through the playoffs. This third season was a significant improvement though and there’s still cash to be won in the third place matchup. Plus the Regular Season Champion payout is still in accounts payable, so we’re under no obligation to field a chorus for his downfall. He’ll get paid.
For Reason to Kerrigan this has to sting a little more, especially after putting up an average of 194.95 points over Weeks 14 and 15. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on who’s reading, an overturned Brees TD at the end of the first half in this week’s Monday night matchup* was the giant killer. This was just enough to keep RTK from breaking Bagel Time’s fragile constitution. RTK led the regular season in scoring, put up the highest weekly output of the season in Week 3, annihilated us every week on DEF, and put up weekly position records for TE and K. He continues to lead the league in scoring in the playoffs despite missing the finals. Go grab that 2018 trophy off the mantle, snuggle up with Professor Weaver, and ride your own melt.
*Saints coach Sean Payton was up 34-0 on the Colts calling defensive timeouts and kept starters in the game way beyond their necessity. I get it, Brees is a shameless stat slut, but what a bag of dicks Payton is for profusely kicking a team when they’re down.
Bagel – we’re picking up some very strange vibes. They’re of the I-just-got-laid variety. Bagel Time enters the finals with the second highest season average, second highest weekly points total (also the second lowest), and the top K in the league. It’s been fun witnessing his disquietude and drudgery over the last eight years. League History indicates that the #3 seed is undefeated in the finals at 1-0. One guy did it in 2013. The only problem is that Bagel Time faces a team that is in the finals for the third time in six seasons.
Christian’s Brothers, League Salutatorian, is here again. Previous finals attempts include 2014 and 2017. Is the proverbial third time the charm? Pretty sure you’d have to go into theorizing about Proto-Indo-European culture’s presumable fight/pray/work breakdown and reconstructions of their religion to answer that question. Or, on a mundane level, his third attempt on a simple task is frequently going to be as good a correction of his initial mistakes as he can manage without a great deal more effort. Who knows. Historically, the #4 Seed is 2-1 in the finals. See opening paragraph…it’s all random and meaningless…
More to come on these two, statistically, in our final championship post of the season. In three to four nights from now, we will crown a new champion. Looking forward to teaching one of you guys the secret handshake.
New League Leaders at K and LB in Week 14.
League Leaders (Regular Season Weeks 1-15)
QB – Trouble Hunter (Deshaun Watson HOU, 58.00 points, Week 5)
RB – Filthadelphia (Christian McCaffrey CAR, 47.70 points, Week 5)
WR – SKOLya’gain (Will Fuller HOU, 52.70 points, Week 5)
TE – Reason to Kerrigan (Darren Waller OAK, 31.60 points, Week 7)
K – Reason to Kerrigan (Younghoe Koo ATL, 20.30 points, Week 14)
DEF – The Brady Bundchen (Eagles PHI, 64.95 points, Week 5)
LB – The Brady Bundchen (Darius Leonard IND, 27.10 points, Week 14)
Single Game – Reason to Kerrigan (234.00 points, Week 3)
The Lombardi Three 