Honey Bunny

Looks like we have a vigilante in our midst.

It’s already Week 2 and we never bid adieu to our darling agent provocateur and fourth highest winning program in league history. Unfortunately, our little hellion is bound to larger obligations this year and wholeheartedly doubts our ship will sail past its fifth port of call. Five weeks is pretty pessimistic, even for that mischief-maker, but you gotta respect the call. One of you is getting booted next season when she wants to come back. That’s not a threat (Team wren). Till then, be cool Honey Bunny.

Trouble Hunter out. Hot Chubb in.

Some of you guys already know Sweatpants Mike, aka Sweatpants Tactical, from our annual boys weekend outings. He enters his rookie campaign with our holy church group as Hot Chubb Time Machine. Maybe he can use that time machine of his to go back and put Slayton and Edmonds on his roster. That Hot Flubb cost him 35.40 points and five wins – the difference of starting the season 10-1, and 5-6. Welcome to the congregation bozo.

Week 1 results are as follows. Every single player showed up for Filthy. Then there was the rest of us. This is how we gonna do until the playoffs.

Week 1 Ball Gazers results are as follows. Good showing overall, but no one hit pay dirt. We were all 86’d by the same three games as none of us picked the Jaguars (over Colts), Cardinals (over 49ers), or Rams (over Cowboys) to win.

12-4
Bagel Time

11-5
Davante’s Inferno
Lockin UWL

9-7
Hot Chubb Time Machine
SKOLya’gain

8-8
Family Jules
Filthydelphia
Glass is Half Fuller

7-9
Coming Tua America

0-12
Operation Warp Speed
Team wren
Wanted Dez or Alive

Some other WTF moments:

• Consensus locks on the Chiefs, Bills, and Steelers. We all had our heads on straight there – even though Big Ben Berger Belly looked like he hadn’t played organized sports since the 1990s. He was honored at halftime as the oldest 38-year-old, unregistered sex offender in the league.
• Glass is Half Fuller and SKOLya’gain were the only two squads to think the Dolphins would beat the Patriots. Project Runway Cam or not, Billy “Butcher” Belichick and The Spice Girls don’t lose home openers.
• Bagel Time and SKOLya’gain were the only two squads to correctly pick the Washington Football Team over the Filthy Trash Birds. Haskins’ professional future is still unilaterally undetermined after that game.
• Family Jules and Filthydelphia were the only two squads that thought the Bengals would beat the Chargers. SMH
• Family Jules and SKOLya’gain were the only two squads that thought Tampa Tommy would beat the Saints at home, which clearly means that SKOLya’ hates that shortstack Brees more than she hates TB12. She is still hot over that 2010 NFC Championship game and the Bountygate that followed. Of note, despite his offseason position in the matter, Brees appeared to kneel during the national anthem. This was fake news. He was simply standing next to Michael Thomas. That’s the best I got. Fuck you Drew.
• SKOLya’gain was mentioned a lot here, but she was the only squad to correctly pick the Bears over the Lions. I don’t know what else to say. Both of those teams looked like dump trucks ablaze slamming in to each other. I guess we all drank the Kool-Aid on the Lions and Stafford having some great season.
• Last but definitely not least, Coming Tua America was the only squad to incorrectly pick the Browns over the Ravens, and the Broncos over Titans! What the holy fuck?!?

Next week’s forms are up. Go get those 13 picks you bad motherfuckers. And seriously, Team wren, fix your fucking face.