In 1979, Bo Derek was cast in the film, 10. If you haven’t seen it, 10 was a rom-com for its day about that drunk Dudley Moore burning through a midlife crisis. The plot of the movie isn’t all that remarkable but there’s this famous beach scene where Bo Derek runs slow-motion down the beach in a wet, flesh-colored swimsuit. Check it out here. Bo Derek was a perfect 10 and this scene completely encapsulates Coming Tua America’s week.
Let’s get this out of the way first. Week 2 Ball Gazers results are as follows.
Perfect 16-0
Coming Tua America
14-2
Bagel Time
13-3
Davante’s Inferno
Filthydelphia
Hot Chubb Time Machine
Lockin UWL
SKOLya’gain
12-4
Family Jules
11-5
Glass is Half Fuller
Team wren
0-16
Operation Warp Speed
Wanted Dez or Alive
Count ‘em…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 Bench Swaps earned this week. Bench Swap Log has been updated. All you had to do was pick the odds favorites this week and you would have finished 14-2. It hasn’t happened like that in a long while. I gotta say, of the 13-3s, three teams were saved by the Falcons/Cowboys finale that shouldn’t have ended the way it did. I’m not going to get in to that onside kick and the eleven professional athletes that all botched their jobs at the exact same moment in time, but I’ve never seen anything like that in football.
Let’s get back to Coming Tua America’s beach boner. He was one of the only outfits NOT to bombard me with texts Sunday and Monday, bragging about their weekend success. Choosing the odds favorites is not a skill in high demand. Yes the Rams were +1.5 against the Eagles at home, but every damn one of us picked the Rams so I don’t consider that a stretch in any form. Tua was one of only a few squads to pick the Raiders and Colts, bucking Vegas odds, and securing the first ever perfect Lombardi Ball Gazer. A fitting achievement for the only Dolphins fan in our league. And really the only Dolphins fan I know and, shit, the only Dolphins fan I have ever met. Either way, Big Don Shula ‘72 would be proud. Next time I’m in one of his steakhouses, that Ball Gazer form is going on the wall.
In honor of Tua’s accomplishment I introduce the following.
Here ye, here ye, by order of The Lombardi Three Commissioner the following 2020 Constitutional Amendments have been written into law.
13.5.5 – The Shula Rule: Any team owner that correctly picks all 16 games is eligible to earn an additional Bench Swap if there are still weeks remaining for Ball Gazer submissions. All other Bench Swap and Ball Gazer amendments apply.
13.5.6 – The Bo Derek: Any team owner that correctly picks all 16 games earns an additional 16-point bonus option they can add to any regular season matchup of their choosing. This bonus is applied one time to the weekly total, administered by the League Manager. This bonus can only be used at the conclusion of an active week prior to the start of the next week. Once a new week has started, a team owner may not go back and exercise this bonus for a previous week.
Stretch those hammies, cuz there are still six teams that can earn a Bench Swap in Week 3, including Coming Tua America. The benchmark is locked in at 13 correct picks, or 14 for those two squads that haven’t participated yet. For the other six of us that earned a Bench Swap this week, that’s the max you can earn this year so a Week 3 submission only comes with bragging rights or secondary confirmation that Week 2 was a fluke.
All earned Bench Swaps are active as of today and can be used to adjust Week 2 results. They must be exercised prior to the start of the Thursday night matchup.
Week 2 results are as follows.
We’ll get back around to talking football and the Week 2 bloodbath in the next post.
The Commish
The Lombardi Three 