Mudbaths & Bloodbaths

We gotta kick this Teton dirt off our boots and bring the motha’ fuckin’ ruckus, because he who must not be mentioned begrudgingly warrants a few keystrokes in this week’s scripture. Today is National Writing Day after all, and yours truly is itching to exercise his literary might.

Stop The Count!

First things first, I will never get over the fact that at one point in time (1992) the Chicago Bears were 81-57 in the all-time series with the Green Bay Packers…and the Packers STILL got to 100 wins first. The Bears advantage was 50-26 in 1960. It really is one of the greatest comebacks in sports history. It helps to have two Hall of Fame quarterbacks covering you for the last 29 years (compared to Chicago’s 35 rostered QBs over the same time frame). You know, it’s almost like drafting a QB in the first round, who cannot help you out for a couple of years, might actually be a rational strategy. Since 1992, when Favre hit the scene, he went 20-3 against the Bears. Since Rodgers took the wheel in 2009, he has gone 21-5. Hence the following pride-swallowing praise.

Following his, “All my fucking life…I own you…I still own you,” championship-belt celebration this Sunday, number 12 alleged that his WWE wiener-dap in the northeast corner of Soldier Field was in response to some sloppy two-legged Illinois honeybear in the stands addressing his presence in her underutilized endzone with the ineffectual coward’s double-barrel salute. Fact is, much earlier in the matchup, Bears linebacker Robert Quinn managed to sack Rodgers, then stood over top of him and mocked his rarely seen championship-belt celebration ritual. Lil’ Bobby Q is a Pro Bowler; he should have known at that moment that he just signed his own team’s death warrant.

Jordan Love’s imminent predecessor has a long documented history of coming completely fucking unhinged after opposing players mock his beloved, moronic WrestleMania woop-woopery. You don’t fuck with another man’s freedom fries. This twitter post is dedicated to the waste he has laid to the tourists slopping their hot sauce on his cheese curds. Enjoy.

I have to mention – there’s a fantastic book (older, circa late 90’s) about the Packers-Bears rivalry titled Mudbaths & Bloodbaths. There’s probably a copy or two in your local book museum. Grab your library card, check it out.

 Let’s talk fantasy.

Strength of Schedule

Prior to the Points Table Format we agonized through the last couple years, I spent the few seasons prior posting these Strength of Schedule charts that essentially represented how soft or tough your weekly matchups were based on the head-to-head schedule. Since we realigned the rabbit ears and went old school this year, I want to bring this analysis back in the fold. Game of Jones and Bagel Time have already tasted the bum chowder and suffered an unfortunate loss, while LockinUWL and SKOLya’gain have already been served one big bowl of lucky charms. I consider two of these hussies my girlfriend, and cover them both in the ensuing scribble.

Border War

This is the first week we did not have a new scoring record set at a key position. This is surprising considering Week 6 was the second highest week of scoring this season (Week 5 being the highest to date). Apparently there is a turf war going on at the Virginia-Maryland border. My aforementioned boopskies, SKOLya’gain (Alexandria) and Game of Jones (Annapolis) have been exchanging mule kicks since Week 1 and their stink is all over our pornstash of player stats. Not only have they already played each other twice, having violently split the series between them, but they have been one-upping each other across the individual position leaderboard each week.

Between the two of them, they accounted for five of the seven highest performances to kick off the season. Game of Jones had the top WR performance in Week 1 (Amari Cooper DAL), only to be surpassed by SKOLya’gain in Week 4 (Tyreek Hill KC). SKOLya’ had the top TE in the opener (Darren Waller LV) but was subsequently tebowed by Game of Jones last week (Mark Andrews BAL).

Game of Jones has the second highest point total on the season and SKOLya’gain has the highest weekly total to date. Standings could easily be reversed had we been playing under yesteryear’s Points Table format. GOJ had the second highest score in Week 1 and lost to the only team that could have beaten him, while SYA had the third lowest score in Week 5 but won because she happened to face one of only two teams that she could have beaten. Ironically, this was against the lowest weekly output of the season at 89.50 points. I only bring this up because we’ve only posted a score that low twice since early 2017. I won’t name names, but this dude’s a certified wrangler now. He also had the top score in Week 2. Go to town Sherlock.

League Leaders (Through Week 6)

Single Game – SKOLya’gain (229.20 points, Week 4)

QB – LockinUWL (Lamar Jackson BAL, 56.30 points, Week 5)

RB – Game of Jones (Derrick Henry TEN, 47.70 points, Week 2)

WR – SKOLya’gain (Tyreek Hill KC, 47.60 points, Week 4)

TE – Game of Jones (Mark Andrews BAL, 41.70 points, Week 5)

LB – Bagel Time (Bobby Wagner SEA, 22.00 points, Week 2)

DEF – Fully DAKcinated (Bills BUF, 32.30 points, Week 2)

K – Glass is Half Fuller (Justin Tucker BAL, 17.00 points, Week 3)

 

Ball Gazers

I know, I never reported the final week of Ball Gazer submissions. There was certainly no lack of ‘hold my beer, watch this’ selections, but nobody in this mental ward won, so who fuckin’ cares. Till next year.