Author: League Commissioner

“We couldn’t beat Kansas City, but we damned near killed their horse.”
-John Madden, 1975, after a 42-10 loss to KC.
(A horse was ridden around the stadium in KC after every score.)

Last time we published, Game of Jones earned some ink on the TL3 Dope Sheet having garnered a few fantasy notches on his bed post scrappin’ with that sandwich maker SKOLya’gain. It had been quite some time since we mentioned this league veteran (that wasn’t some prod at his treasured Kraft Mac and Cheaties). See Mac Jones Week 9.

Truth is I haven’t shanked clams with Game of Jones in a minute, and getting a little whiff of that ham slammer’s buttsmell over the Draft Weekend festivities really reminded me what a banger of a brohanski he is. I can’t wait for him to share these stories with my godson, reviving the good ol’ days with Uncle klutch and The Lombardi Three cheerleaders. And that goes for every one of you choir boys who made the trip to HQ this year, belted out our beloved recital, and threw down for three straight days. I love you to death and it means the entire world to me.

Thank you.

Thank you for not fucking any of my shit up and not stealing anything.

 

Strength of Schedule

Back to GOJ. If we were doing that Points Table thingy again this season, my man would be sitting bawss at the top of the playoff standings. He went 34-2 over four weeks of play under that format. Keep an eye on Holy Cross 98’ – he will fart and pull the covers over your head quick. He’s gonna be in the finals, playing for the trophy. I’m calling it now.

Here’s how the rest of us stack up.

 

Bench Swap Three

Ol’ Count Swapula, Lockin UWL, pulled out our third Benchie of the season replacing James Robinson (0.00 points) with James Conner (40.30 points). Details posted on ESPN. Only one more Swapper to dodge this season, SKOLya’gain, and that tradesie is melting the zipper on her fannypack. Leave her any room and she will snatch your reeses pieces without a second thought.

Bagel, Half, and Tua are already safe from her wrath.

Lockin, GOJ, and Dak are up next. Good luck mates.

 

Week 9

Week 9 was our lowest league output of the season. In fact, we’ve been on a significant downslope since Week 5 and the last two weeks have consecutively been our lowest weekly points totals of the season. NFL fatigue must be setting in. Historically, it comes around Week 11, which likely means these additional COVID protocols have accelerated the stress level and energies of the players. It will be interesting to see how this continues with an extra game on the schedule.

 

League Leaders (Through Week 9)

Single Game – SKOLya’gain (229.20 points, Week 4)

QB – LockinUWL (Lamar Jackson BAL, 56.30 points, Week 5)

RB – Game of Jones (Derrick Henry TEN, 47.70 points, Week 2)

WR – SKOLya’gain (Tyreek Hill KC, 47.60 points, Week 4)

TE – Game of Jones (Mark Andrews BAL, 41.70 points, Week 5)

LB – Bagel Time (Bobby Wagner SEA, 22.00 points, Week 2)

DEF – Glass is Half Fuller (Buccaneers TB, 34.00 points, Week 7)

K – Glass is Half Fuller (Justin Tucker BAL, 17.00 points, Week 3)

 

We gotta kick this Teton dirt off our boots and bring the motha’ fuckin’ ruckus, because he who must not be mentioned begrudgingly warrants a few keystrokes in this week’s scripture. Today is National Writing Day after all, and yours truly is itching to exercise his literary might.

Stop The Count!

First things first, I will never get over the fact that at one point in time (1992) the Chicago Bears were 81-57 in the all-time series with the Green Bay Packers…and the Packers STILL got to 100 wins first. The Bears advantage was 50-26 in 1960. It really is one of the greatest comebacks in sports history. It helps to have two Hall of Fame quarterbacks covering you for the last 29 years (compared to Chicago’s 35 rostered QBs over the same time frame). You know, it’s almost like drafting a QB in the first round, who cannot help you out for a couple of years, might actually be a rational strategy. Since 1992, when Favre hit the scene, he went 20-3 against the Bears. Since Rodgers took the wheel in 2009, he has gone 21-5. Hence the following pride-swallowing praise.

Following his, “All my fucking life…I own you…I still own you,” championship-belt celebration this Sunday, number 12 alleged that his WWE wiener-dap in the northeast corner of Soldier Field was in response to some sloppy two-legged Illinois honeybear in the stands addressing his presence in her underutilized endzone with the ineffectual coward’s double-barrel salute. Fact is, much earlier in the matchup, Bears linebacker Robert Quinn managed to sack Rodgers, then stood over top of him and mocked his rarely seen championship-belt celebration ritual. Lil’ Bobby Q is a Pro Bowler; he should have known at that moment that he just signed his own team’s death warrant.

Jordan Love’s imminent predecessor has a long documented history of coming completely fucking unhinged after opposing players mock his beloved, moronic WrestleMania woop-woopery. You don’t fuck with another man’s freedom fries. This twitter post is dedicated to the waste he has laid to the tourists slopping their hot sauce on his cheese curds. Enjoy.

I have to mention – there’s a fantastic book (older, circa late 90’s) about the Packers-Bears rivalry titled Mudbaths & Bloodbaths. There’s probably a copy or two in your local book museum. Grab your library card, check it out.

 Let’s talk fantasy.

Strength of Schedule

Prior to the Points Table Format we agonized through the last couple years, I spent the few seasons prior posting these Strength of Schedule charts that essentially represented how soft or tough your weekly matchups were based on the head-to-head schedule. Since we realigned the rabbit ears and went old school this year, I want to bring this analysis back in the fold. Game of Jones and Bagel Time have already tasted the bum chowder and suffered an unfortunate loss, while LockinUWL and SKOLya’gain have already been served one big bowl of lucky charms. I consider two of these hussies my girlfriend, and cover them both in the ensuing scribble.

Border War

This is the first week we did not have a new scoring record set at a key position. This is surprising considering Week 6 was the second highest week of scoring this season (Week 5 being the highest to date). Apparently there is a turf war going on at the Virginia-Maryland border. My aforementioned boopskies, SKOLya’gain (Alexandria) and Game of Jones (Annapolis) have been exchanging mule kicks since Week 1 and their stink is all over our pornstash of player stats. Not only have they already played each other twice, having violently split the series between them, but they have been one-upping each other across the individual position leaderboard each week.

Between the two of them, they accounted for five of the seven highest performances to kick off the season. Game of Jones had the top WR performance in Week 1 (Amari Cooper DAL), only to be surpassed by SKOLya’gain in Week 4 (Tyreek Hill KC). SKOLya’ had the top TE in the opener (Darren Waller LV) but was subsequently tebowed by Game of Jones last week (Mark Andrews BAL).

Game of Jones has the second highest point total on the season and SKOLya’gain has the highest weekly total to date. Standings could easily be reversed had we been playing under yesteryear’s Points Table format. GOJ had the second highest score in Week 1 and lost to the only team that could have beaten him, while SYA had the third lowest score in Week 5 but won because she happened to face one of only two teams that she could have beaten. Ironically, this was against the lowest weekly output of the season at 89.50 points. I only bring this up because we’ve only posted a score that low twice since early 2017. I won’t name names, but this dude’s a certified wrangler now. He also had the top score in Week 2. Go to town Sherlock.

League Leaders (Through Week 6)

Single Game – SKOLya’gain (229.20 points, Week 4)

QB – LockinUWL (Lamar Jackson BAL, 56.30 points, Week 5)

RB – Game of Jones (Derrick Henry TEN, 47.70 points, Week 2)

WR – SKOLya’gain (Tyreek Hill KC, 47.60 points, Week 4)

TE – Game of Jones (Mark Andrews BAL, 41.70 points, Week 5)

LB – Bagel Time (Bobby Wagner SEA, 22.00 points, Week 2)

DEF – Fully DAKcinated (Bills BUF, 32.30 points, Week 2)

K – Glass is Half Fuller (Justin Tucker BAL, 17.00 points, Week 3)

 

Ball Gazers

I know, I never reported the final week of Ball Gazer submissions. There was certainly no lack of ‘hold my beer, watch this’ selections, but nobody in this mental ward won, so who fuckin’ cares. Till next year.

There is only one Aaron on the Green Bay Packers worth talking, or, frankly, giving a shit about. This dude scored four touchdowns in a single game for the second time in his career. Last night against the Lions, Jones rushed for one TD and caught three TD passes becoming the first Packers RB to receive three TD passes in a game since Andy Uram did it against the Chicago Cardinals in 1942.

Aaron Jones lost his father to COVID-19 complications this year and has dedicated this season to his late father. I’m getting ’93 Jordan and ’03 Favre vibes. It’s Showtyme in 2021.

Week 2 SITREP

Two weeks in and we’ve already cantered through a turbulent terrain of NFL games, downright mystifying those of us participating in the weekly Ball Gazer submissions (uhhhh, yeah dipshits, we’re doing that this year – I’m not your babysitter). From the Bills dropping their home opener to the Steelers, to the Steelers dropping their home opener against the Raiders, both consensus missed picks by employed gazers. Then home field advantage elected to play its role when the Raiders knocked off the Ravens in Week 1, and then the Ravens kicked out the Chiefs in Week 2.

In perhaps the most baffling start to the season, a staff of Packers cornerbacks got thrashed Week 1 in Florida, by a team from Louisiana, with a QB not named Brees, at a rate of five passing touchdowns. Then the Saints turned around and almost got blanked at Carolina if it wasn’t for a late, fourth-quarter, garbage-time TD.

And last on this subject, it is worth mentioning the Titans lost their home opener (against Kyler Murray’s Cardinals to be fair), but then defeated the Seahawks 12^th man with a game winning FG. I don’t know who to pick next week.

The NFL has done a hell of a job at scheduling these first few weeks. Either that, or the league balance is becoming a lot more competitive. There were always three or four teams out there good for a road W and a local up-for-anything steakhouse waitress, but it seems like only the… Jets are left holding that designation. The Giants, Jags, and Lions have showed they can score points and are staffed with enough potential to cover the spread. The Colts defense should be able to handle half their schedule this year. And the Vikings should be 2-0 having suffered a missed extra point and the league’s unspoken position on not turning over ANY bad calls on the field. *See Julio Jones’ first TD as a Titan (ruled not a TD).

On the flip-side, any team not from Tampa Bay can lose any given Sunday. It’s a jungle out there man.

Speaking of the first two weeks of the season and Green Bay Packers cornerbacks, Herb Adderley deserves some love. And it wouldn’t be a TL3 season without a plentiful accounting of Packer yesteryear.

It’s arguable that this cornerback set the Packers’ three-peat (this league is based on) in motion in September of 1965.

Week 1 vs PIT: Two INTs, one TD, 111 yards, one win

Week 2 vs BAL: Two INTs, one TD, 94 yards, one win

Two games, four INTs, two TDs, 205 yards, two wins.

Swaps and Gazers

Two weeks in and we’ve already exercised two Bench Swaps. Details of which were delivered to league members via the ESPN mailer. Only two team owners remain in possession of a Bench Swap. The log is updated on our site. I may nurse your wet bar but I’m not your wet nurse. Look it up yourself.

Two weeks of Ball Gazers in the books with no winners. Week 3 is the last week up for grabs.

WEEK 1: As a whole, we all missed the Chargers, Steelers, and Saints. SKOLya’gain was the only outfit to correctly pick the Eagles and Raiders, having pumped out the best sheet at 11-5.

WEEK 2: We all missed the Raiders and Seahawks. LockinUWL was the only outfit to shamelessly take the Giants in Washington and the Jets over the Patriots. SMH

League Leaders (Through Week 2)

Single Game – Glass is Half Fuller (199.95 points, Week 2)

QB – Bagel Time (Kyler Murray ARI, 44.45 points, Week 1)

RB – Game of Jones (Derrick Henry TEN, 47.70 points, Week 2)

WR – Game of Jones (Amari Cooper DAL, 38.90 points, Week 1)

TE – SKOLya’gain (Darren Waller LV, 26.50 points, Week 1)

LB – Bagel Time (Bobby Wagner SEA, 22.00 points, Week 2)

DEF – Fully DAKcinated (Bills BUF, 32.30 points, Week 2)

K (TIE) – SKOLya’gain (Robbie Gould SF, 13.00 points, Week 1) and Coming Tua America (Matt Prater ARI, 13.00 points, Week 2)

This should explain the trade executed post-draft this morning.

Last night at 8:45pm EST an impromptu live draft lottery was executed. Six team owners were in attendance. The entire 10-seat draft order was selected, then one final lottery ball was drawn. That final selection got to move up one position in the order. Quite tragically, that last selection was the #2 seed, and moved up one spot to replace the #1 seed. Final results are as follows:

1. Coming Tua America

(two years in a row, also has an additional 7th round pick, we’re all doomed)

 

2. Bagel Time

(overall lottery winner, bumped by last draw, bitter af)

 

3. Operation Warp Speed

(will drop to bottom if dues not paid by 8/19)

 

4. Family Jules

(said he’s defecting to Tampa Bay after one season with Project Runway Cam)

 

5. SKOLya’gain

(walkin’ round the house trolling in her purple SKOL shirt right now)

 

6. Lockin UWL

(2020 Champion, no 7th round draft pick)

 

7. Filthydelphia

(won the regular season the last two years, bitch you doin’ a good job)

 

8. Hot Chubb Time Machine

 (was shirtless during lottery, probably trying to save a few bucks on the electric bill)

 

9. Davante’s Inferno

(walkin’ round the house two-word trolling with “Kirk Cousins”)

 

10. Glass is Half Fuller

(super boned up that local Taylor Heinicke is at camp and no longer sleeping on his couch)

 

That’s it. The ability to trade draft picks on ESPN.com is currently active. You can Propose Trades with any team the same as you would during the regular season.

Let the mock drafts begin.

We’re doing the Draft Lottery live via Twitter this Saturday. Link forthcoming. Pay your dues.

@LombardiThree

In ten weeks, ten teams will embark on the fantasy football undertaking of their careers – the tenth season of The Lombardi Three.

As previously publicized, we have reduced the 2021 season’s number of teams, reduced rosters positions, and reduced bench spots to flex our fantasy chops. We’ve also reduced the number of payouts. The only thing we have increased is the dues. The following summarizes the upcoming season.

Organization – We’re staying with ESPN.com this season. The league has been activated. We’ve dropped the bottom two owners from last season.

Hot Chubb. 0300. Infantry. You made it.

Rosters – We’ve reverted back to QB from TQB, removed the HC, and removed one bench spot. There are also limitations set to how many players at each position we can have on a roster at one time. To calculate this limitation, simply double the number of roster spots (e.g., QB max 2, RB max 4).

Dues – We’ve increased annual dues to $60. The trophy and shipping costs have gone up significantly over the years and we need to make up for two less teams this season. See the Dues page for payment options. No fucking PayPal. I’d rather you mail me a check or a bag of pennies. Fuck PayPal.

Format – We are playing in the traditional Head-to-Head format every week this season.

Schedule – We are playing an extra week this season in coordination with the new 18-week NFL schedule. This equates to 13 weeks of regular season and 4 weeks of playoffs. The first and last weeks of the regular season will be manually set per Articles 1.3.1 and 1.3.2 of the Constitution.

Playoffs – All ten teams will compete in the playoffs with the top six teams earning an automatic BYE in Round 1 (Week 14).

Payouts – We’ve reduced the payouts this season to Playoff Champion ($300), Playoff Runner-Up ($100), and Regular Season Champion ($140).

Last but not least, the draft.

Draft Lottery – The number of draft lottery entries is based on last season’s results, adjusted for the use of Bench Swaps and Bonus Points. Because we played under the Points Table format last season, this only ended up impacting one team owner. See the below table for a breakdown on how the number of lottery entries was tabulated.

The final number of lottery entries is outlined below. Lottery balls, numbered 1 – 83, will be entered in to a hopper and randomly drawn to determine the draft order from 1 to 10. This is how we will set the draft order for the foreseeable future. This incentivizes every team to play competitively every week of the season as every win counts as a future lottery entry.

There will be opportunities to earn additional lottery entries prior to the start of the season. Make sure you are signed up for TheLombardiThree.com notifications so you don’t miss out. You’ve been advised.

More to come in the weeks ahead.

TheLombardiThree.com has undergone a fresh redesign.

Check out the streamlined Constitution for a sneak peek at the 2021 season and the new Draft Lottery process.

More to come as we approach our 10th anniversary….

[Thursday, September 3rd at 7:09pm.]

Lockin UWL (picks up phone):  Hello?

Commish:  Ben.

Lockin UWL:  Hey-yah buddy. (thick Wisconsin accent)

Commish:  Draft started. What are you doing?

Lockin UWL:  I’m down in WauKAAHsha with my dad. We just pulled tha boat out of tha water.

Commish:  Well, the draft’s going on. Pull your head out of your ass.  You auto-drafted Michael Thomas with your first pick.

Lockin UWL:  Oh yah, huh. Well let me see if I…..

This back-and-forth carried on a few short rounds of the September draft clock, highlighted by husky “yah’s” and emphasized “oh’s.” It helps the imagination if you are wearing a Packers parka, Badgers gloves, holding an Old Style in one hand, and hand-cranking a fishing boat up on to its trailer with the other.

*Lockin UWL may not concur with the author’s recollection of the moment, but SKOLya’gain was witness to the conversation. Facts are facts.

This is in no way an attempt at making fun of the Wes-SCAAAAN-sin accent, but a show of respect to the green and gold bloodline that just won this year’s championship. And we need to memorialize this moment accordingly. Don’t forget, this is a dedicated Green Bay Packer themed fantasy football league.

Who is Lockin UWL by the way? He has never attended any of the draft parties or boys weekends or invited us fishing.

Ben is the first cousin and lifetime friend of the League Commissioner. He hails from Holmen, Wisconsin just north of La Crosse on the Mississippi River separating the state from Minnesota to the west.  He was previously employed as a locksmith for the University of Wisconsin La Crosse (UWL); hence the team name.  After a few years of unlockin’ dorm rooms and Honda Civics for the Lady Eagles, Ben developed quite the reputation as a poonman. Nicknames heard around campus included Ben Kenobi, Ben Assfleck, Benjamin 4 Hands, The Hurt Locker, The Box Locker, Reverend Hotsimodo, and The Polish Tailgate, to name a few. After dodging a handful of negative paternity tests, Ben decided to quit while he was ahead and turn over the keys to his UWL golf cart. His lady wasn’t having any more of that shit either, and needed to see some returns on these TL3 investments once and for all. So Ben went solo and opened his own Locksmith operation serving La Crosse and the greater area. If you are ever in town and need a safe cracked, night-shopping for a new ride on the cheap, or just need to know where the UWL Ladies Tennis team resides, Big Ben’s your man.

*Lockin UWL may not concur with the author’s recollection of his status at the University but, you know, every time someone lifts someone else up in this world, there’s always some asshole trying to drag him back down.

In all seriousness, Ben is as honest a family man and as hard-working as they come. He is an indefectible American and quintessential Wisconsinite. He’s one of five remaining veterans in the league, has the second highest win percentage among active players, and has never used any of the gazillion bench swaps he has earned. No one deserves the 2020 Championship trophy more than him. Congrats Big Ben! Looking forward to the next time we are in the dairyland combing the UWL parking lot – trophies ridin’ shotgun – a 24-pack of Leinie’s deep. Let’s steal a car.

The League Dues page has been updated to show the breakdown of winnings paid out this season. If you haven’t received any cash yet, it’s not a mistake. You didn’t win anything.

The League History page has been updated with the results of the 2020 season. There were a few unmemorable shifts in historical win percentage among the center of the party with the collective dancing around that 51 to 52 percent win rate. Then there were a few mentionables. After two tremendous (payday) seasons, Filthydelphia moves up five spots to claim the 4th highest win percentage among active franchises and gets himself out of the red, money-wise. Only half the league can claim to be making any money off of this shit. Dude definitely caught the bug too. Best guess is those net earnings are being offset by whatever ‘Roto’ platform he is subscribing to in order to help analyze/manage his draft, waiver wire, and weekly lineup decisions. Don’t fret big dawg, we’ve all tested the waters and dropped some coin at some point in our careers to get that Rodgers Rate. Team wren dropped five spots among active franchises after two years of sub-.500 showings, and Hot Chubb Time Machine chronicles his rookie season as the worst franchise to ever set foot on our hallowed ground. Wanted Dez or Alive has hit bottom two of four seasons now with only three wins in each. It’s hard to criticize when he is literally paying our rent, although, four league violations in Weeks 9-12 do not bode well for a future in The Lombardi Three. This is America though, see the League Dues page for information on how to make donations and campaign contributions.

Next season is our ten-year anniversary. Set your expectations high. The Constitution will be rewritten. The way we do the Draft Order will change. This all assuming President and Civil War hero Joe Biden gets the players vaccinated by the start of the 2021 season. Till then, be safe, stay sane, and soak in some words of wisdom from our champion Lockin UWL, “When the commissioner is calling, pick up the phone.”

Single Game Stat Leaders 2020

TQB – Team wren (62.05 points, Week 16, Tampa Bay Buccaneers)

RB – Filthydelphia (56.20 points, Week 16, Alvin Kamara)

WR – Wanted Dez or Alive (57.90 points, Week 12, Tyreek Hill)

TE – SKOLya’gain (45.00 points, Week 13, Darren Waller)

LB – Operation Warp Speed (22.00 points, Week 5, Patrick Queen)

DEF – Davante’s Inferno (42.40 points, Week 7, Kansas City Chiefs)

K – Filthydelphia (21.00 points, Week 12, Younghoe Koo)

Weekly High Score – Lockin UWL (223.00 points, Week 2)

 

Season Position Leaders 2020

TQB – Davante’s Inferno (542.05 points, Buffalo Bills)

RB – Filthydelphia (384.20 points, Alvin Kamara)

WR – Davante’s Inferno (360.40 points, Davante Adams)

TE – Lockin UWL (314.80 points, Travis Kelce)

LB – Davante’s Inferno (172.00 points, Zach Cunningham)

DEF – Hot Chubb Time Machine (345.30 points, Indianapolis Colts)

K – Davante’s Inferno (169.00 points, Jason Sanders)

Season High Score – Filthydelphia (2,678.20 points)