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And the winner of the 2017 overall 1st draft pick is…

BAGEL TIME

 

A four-tiered, combination offline and online random lottery was conducted and witnessed by three veteran franchises. Based on the results of the previous season, the remaining teams fall in to place. Consult the Lombardi Three Constitution for any questions regarding the draft order.

Draft is set for Sunday, August 27th at Noon (12:00 pm). Hit the archdiocese early and say your novenas. There is no official draft party, but anyone is welcome at TL3 headquarters for confession, followed by tea and crumpets.

Ball Gazer forms have been uploaded for 2017. Don’t half step this freebie – Week 1 is right around the corner.

Pay your dues Bagel…

Draft Lottery will be performed and announced tonight….

The following teams still need to pay their dues:

• Christian’s Brothers
• Wanted Dez or Alive
• Bagel Time
• Trouble Hunter
• Whitey Ford’s Team

 

 

 

 

Consider this your 2017 Sit-Rep.

YAHOO – After five long years, we’ve ditched NFL.com and hopped on the Yahoo fanstasywagon. You should all have your party invitations at this point. I’ll continue to mature the site and situate the software, silk sheets, and smooth lighting just like we like it. It sounds like a few of you already whore around in other leagues on Yahoo, or have utilized this dais in the past, so this should be a painless transition. She’s got street cred so we shouldn’t encounter the problems we did with that colossus shitpile NFL.com. Poke around, put your stink on it, and download the app.

ROSTER – We bounced one team, and added one. I’ll refrain from my usual pleasantries and too-da-loos, as we’ve got a lot to get to. This is a fantasy football league, not a book club. Pretty girls come and go. With one down that means we got a gap to fill, and nobody fills gaps better than Nebraska’s own, the New Kevin, K-Dub Kuakenado (we’re working on his team name). He wears shorts and a parka at the same time, and all the women he knows understand how to use jumper cables. He’ll be a nice little addition to our annual Lombardi Three road trip.

DRAFT – We are deviating from the traditional Labor Day weekend schedule. We’ve unhinged our vacations for the last time. I am leaning towards a Sunday, August 27 draft date around Noon. Let me know if this is a problem for anyone.

LEAGUE – I don’t plan on making any changes this year. Big fucking surprise for everyone I’m sure, but I think after five years we’ve worked out the kinks in our dark little corner of this great American fantasy football experiment. This is obviously subject to the limitations of our new home, i.e., what Yahoo allows us to do. More to come.

DUES – Lastly, pay your Dues or I’m gonna boot you and invite someone else I know in Nebraska. This league will start to smell like shit just like that awful state of desperation and destruction. Seriously, Nebraska smells like shit when the wind blows. You know how to pay your Dues by now. If not, check the League Dues page. Pay your Dues.

I’ll conclude our opening 2017 season journal entry with some keys to success I’ve shared in the past.

Cheers to Season 6. I hope I get to see each of you at some point this season. I’ll be in Wisconsin for the Saints game Benny!

-The Commish

The Lombardi Three,
and the absolute bare minimum keys to success.

Utilize the TheLombardiThree.com for all your informational needs.
• Read the Constitution, but don’t take it too seriously, but really do
• “Follow” this blog so you get emailed a copy of new posts and links
• The site has links to the league, links to stats and projections from various sources, and reminders for anything going on in the league.
• League manager posts regular analysis and highlights on the league.

Weeks 1 -3
• We do a sort of mini-pool over these 3 weeks for a chance to earn a Bench Swap. Forms are online.

Weekly
1. TUE: Check the Free Agents on the Waiver Wire NLT midnight Tuesday and select any players you want to add/drop. Wednesday morning, your adds/drops are successful or non-successful base on your waiver priority. Waiver priority is shown right on the League Standings page. Come Wednesday, any free agents are fair game for the rest of the week and do not affect your waiver priority.

2. WED/THU: At a minimum, set your lineup for Thursday’s matchup. Make sure if any of your guys are on the Thursday schedule, you have decided whether or not you want to play them.

3. SUN: At a minimum, set the rest of your lineup. Don’t leave any spots on the roster open and don’t leave some guy on BYE in the lineup.

Our 2016 League Champion Tannehill For President has received his trophy. A little late? Sure, but let’s take a look at the chart. Based on the Charles Friedrich Gauss Linear Regression Model, utilizing a Root Analysis framework (less the ZeroR classifier), the trendline indicates a positive, multivariate downslope towards absolute relation extraction. As you can see, there is great difficulty in factorizing the polynomial but the glide rate is quite obvious. Even to us laymans.

Based on previous seasons I’m all over the fucking map. Determining factors on delivery dates over our first five seasons range from personal disgruntlement, chronological laziness, world travel, research, design, test and evaluation periods, and the time associated with the vision quest that has been our official League Trophy.

Our quest is over. What better way to honor the Lombardi Three League Champion than with the World Championship Game Trophy named after the legendary coach himself, Vincent Thomas Lombardi.

During lunch with NFL commissioner Pete Rozelle in 1966, Tiffany & Co. vice president Oscar Riedner made a sketch on a cocktail napkin of what would become the Vince Lombardi Trophy, and has been produced by Tiffany & Co. ever since. The trophy was first awarded to the Green Bay Packers on January 15, 1967, following the 1966 regular season (when the Super Bowl’s official designation was the AFL-NFL World Championship Game) after they defeated the Kansas City Chiefs, 35-10.

Even though it is a national tournament, the award was initially inscribed with the words “World Professional Football Championship.” It was officially renamed in 1970 in memory of NFL head coach Vince Lombardi, after his death from cancer. It was thus presented for the first time as the Vince Lombardi Trophy in Super Bowl V when the Baltimore Colts defeated the Dallas Cowboys 16-13.

Unlike trophies such as the Stanley Cup and the Grey Cup, a new Vince Lombardi Trophy is made every year and the winning team maintains permanent possession of that trophy.

From this point forward, we will utilize this version of the trophy for the League Champion each season to be permanently retained by the winning team.

As you will notice, I have also updated the league crest. Partially responsible for the delay in delivery, I reached out to a handful of friends on design and delivery. I combed through multiple qualified submissions, and spent many weeks working with two designers on modifying their visions, but like a good government worker, I ended up going with the cheapest product – mine. I designed our new logo, incorporated the Established Date (2012), and added stars representing each of our five seasons. The number of stars will likely be the only modification we make from year to year.

I look forward to the start of the 2017 season and a new fantasy platform. Right now the frontrunners are Yahoo and ESPN, but I am still exploring options. This will also be the beginning of the Lombardi Legends League to be played on the same platform. Lots of news to come this summer on that.

Having skimmed off the top of the annual league dues each year, The Lombardi Three headquarters received a major upgrade this offseason and damn near tripled in size. The 2017 Draft will likely be held on site. Come by and check it out sometime. Door’s always open. Otherwise, enjoy your summers and travel safe.

 -The Commish

Let’s face it: we have no idea what we’re doing. This year we wasted an enormous amount of time and energy trying to staff 14 rosters with undesirables. Fantasy, shmantasy – this was hardly a fool’s paradise. We are lacking terminological inexactitude. It’s been a great run, but now it’s time for real adult leadership.

Compensation: We will award you 51% of our company and you can set your own salary.

Employment type: Part-time (August – December)

We are seeking a highly qualified executive to run our league who meets the following requirements:
– Strong public speaking skills
– Steady disposition, remains cool under pressure
– Willing to inherit the consequences of five years of irresponsible league management
– Excellent negotiator able to deal with stubborn opposition
– Experience hunting terrorist masterminds
– Minimum eight years experience President of the United States of America or equivalent nation
– Strongly prefer the first black editor of Harvard Law Review
– Must currently hold a national approval rating of 57.2% or higher
– Passed comprehensive healthcare reform
– Natural born citizen of the United States
– Proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint
– Excited to travel for work and be a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize

Women and minorities are strongly encouraged to apply.

Benefits include:
– Health/dental/vision insurance (while available)
– Generous vacation time
– A new computer
– Pre-tax transit benefit
– Access to office pantry with unlimited almonds

Interested?
If you meet our qualifications, please email btmccutcheon@gmail.com.

Mr. Irrelevant is the title bestowed each year upon the last pick of the annual NFL draft. Although the NFL Draft dates back to 1936, the first person to officially be given the Mr. Irrelevant title was Kelvin Kirk, pick number 487 of the 1976 draft. The current Mr. Irrelevant is cornerback Kalan Reed, formerly of the Southern Miss Golden Eagles, who was selected by the Tennessee Titans at pick number 253 of the 2016 draft.

An outcrop of this distinction was Irrelevant Week, which arose in 1976 when former Southern California and NFL receiver Paul Salata founded the event in Newport Beach, California. He continues to announce the final pick of the NFL draft to this day (however, in 2014 his daughter announced the pick in his absence). During the summer after the draft, the new Mr. Irrelevant and his family are invited to spend a week in Newport Beach, California, where they enjoy a golf tournament, a regatta, a roast giving advice to the new draftee, and a ceremony awarding him the Lowsman Trophy. The trophy mimics the Heisman, but depicts a player fumbling a football.

Irrelevant Week gave so much publicity to Mr. Irrelevant that in 1979 the Los Angeles Rams, with the penultimate pick, intentionally passed to let the Pittsburgh Steelers, with the last pick, choose first. The Steelers also wanted the publicity and passed as well. The two teams continued to refuse to choose a player until NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle forced the teams to pick. The incident led to the Salata Rule, which prohibits teams from passing to get the final pick.

In honor of this tradition, our last year on the NFL.com platform, and our 5th anniversary, I give you our version of Mr. Irrelevant.

The White Wes Welkers could smell a loss this year like a fart in a car. Deployed at sea, I don’t know who was at the controls of his squad…the misses, his smoking hot Brazilian au pair, or the neighbor “checking up on things.” I don’t know. White’s trophy case looks like the Nutritionist’s at the Jack in the Box corporate headquarters. His players donned uniforms made by Underperformance Armour. This fanboy committal would’ve been better off leaving Gostkowski on the bench in Week 4. I’m pretty sure this was the only negative output on the season.

Despite all that shit, he’s one of seven veterans that have been with us from the start and deserves annotation. There isn’t shit else to say about his dismal season. Congratulations sir. Fair winds and following seas. Looking forward to next year and having you back at the helm.

The fifth season is in the books and our League History page has been updated with some additional deets. Sorted by win percentage. See how you measure up.

The virtual League Trophies have been issued and are available in your Trophy Case here. This is a moot practice of course cuz we are dropping this weak-ass NFL platform next season like a safe and this little trophy case wont be on the moving truck. Despite all that, it’s tradition so we go through the motions. Here’s a rundown of the superlatives. Congrats (or my condolences) for making the list. More to come on the season…

League Champion
Tannehill for President
11-5

2nd Place
UnLockin Yo Schtuff
9-7

3rd Place
Air Jordy
10-6

League Total Points
Trouble Hunter
2,821.40

Regular Season Breakdown Winner
Trouble Hunter
129-40

Regular Season Best Coach
Air Jordy
-101.10

Regular Season Highest True Ranking
Trouble Hunter
54

Regular Season Breakdown Loser
The Whiteshadow
51-117

Regular Season Worst Coach
Bagel Time
-287.25

Regular Season Lowest True Ranking
Wanted Dez or Alive
18

Dethroner (Defeat Reigning Champion in Playoffs)
UnLockin Yo Schtuff
Week 14 Beat RGIII’s Company 176.60 – 126.40

Explosive Playoff Comeback
UnLockin Yo Schtuff
+4 (from 6th to 2nd)

Playoff Choke
Trouble Hunter
-4 (from 1st to 5th)

Regular Season Champion
Trouble Hunter
10-3

Regular Season Total Points
Trouble Hunter
2,355.85

Season High Score
Trouble Hunter
245.55 Week 10

Longest Win Streak
Trouble Hunter
+8 Weeks 3-10

Regular Season Loser
Lake Hickory Swallops
3-10

Longest Losing Streak
Lake Hickory Swallops
-7 Weeks 3-9

Regular Season Single Game Low Score
Wanted Dez or Alive
84.25 Week 3

Dead Last
Lake Hickory Swallops
3-12

Least Points Scored
Lake Hickory Swallops
2,212.50

Best overall QB
UnLockin Yo Schtuff
452.80 Aaron Rodgers – GB

Best QB Performance
UnLockin Yo Schtuff
48.55 Matt Ryan – ATL – Week 4

Best overall RB
Tannehill for President
405.40 David Johnson – ARI

Best RB Performance
Air Jordy
51.80 LeVeon Bell – PIT – Week 14

Best overall WR
Air Jordy
319.45 Antonio Brown – PIT

Best WR Performance
RGIII’s Company
48.00 Julio Jones – ATL – Week 4

Best overall TE
Trouble Hunter
221.20 Travis Kelce – KC

Best TE Performance
Trouble Hunter
33.00 Travis Kelce – KC – Week 16

Best overall K
Eastside Forty Ounces
170.00 Justin Tucker – BAL

Best K Performance
The Whiteshadow
25.00 Chris Boswell – PIT – Week 15

Best overall DEF
Air Jordy
388.95 Kansas City Chiefs

Best DEF Performance
RGIII’s Company
50.80 Minnesota Vikings – Week 3

Best overall LB
RGIII’s Company
263.80 Kwon Alexander – TB

Best LB Performance
RGIII’s Company
34.00 Kwon Alexander – TB – Week 15