Our international merger is complete. The Lombardi Three syndicate will transition to its newly acquired league headquarters in Stuttgart, Germany this September. In 2023, our global campaign begins.
Sleeper
League platform, membership, and rules remain the same. However, this year’s format is still up in the air. I sent out the following survey link back in May. We are voting on each year’s league format going forward. We only received six (6) responses to the survey, which is enough for consensus. However, the current results are tight and the four (4) remaining votes can easily swing the outcome. If you haven’t already done so, go in right now and vote. Survey deadline is midnight August 31 (2 days from now).
Time to pay your League Dues. 2023 dues remain at $100. Per the Constitution, any delay in meeting the dues deadline will result in a loss of draft lottery entries. Dues deadline is midnight August 15.
Draft Lottery Weekend
Our draft weekend officially kicks off Friday August 25, with a tentative draft pick lottery scheduled for that Friday night. Only the draft lottery will be conducted this weekend. Similar to last year, this lottery will determine the draft order, and possibly the Vampire if we end up playing under that format again. The rest of the weekend will be reserved for our customary mayhem and mischief. Details will be sent out in separate correspondence.
The following lottery entries have been finalized based on the results of the 2022 season. Check out the Constitution for all things draft lottery. The table below outlines the additional +/- entries earned. If you have any questions how your total was tallied, hit me up.
Draft
Draft is scheduled for Wednesday, August 30 at 7:30pm Eastern. Additional details will be published closer to that date.
Looking forward to connecting with everyone before we leave for Germany.
The Lombardi Three is going international! The TL3 Headquarters is relocating this fall to Stuttgart, Germany. More to follow in the coming weeks…
No real changes planned for the league, other than voting on league format and subsequent draft type. We are going with a simple majority. SurveyMonkey link below. When making your decision on next season’s format and draft type, please take in to consideration your draft lottery entries earned.
(a) If you want clarification on your +/- entries, check the Constitution. I accounted for the early rules violations of the Vampire format (one team had three violations), Lucky Wins (-1) / Tough Losses (+1), Bench Swaps used (-1), etc. If still unclear, ask and I will share your breakdown. Per the Constitution, every team gets a minimum of three entries.
(b) I don’t want to hear about Lambeau’s number. Commish had 14 wins and a Reg Season Champ. Deal with it.
The commissioner’s schedule is gonna be a little bonkers over the next few months, but an owners weekend event is in the works. We will retire the Alexandria office in style. Until then, take the survey and state your intent.
Before they became the New England Patriots, this legendary ball club flew two other team flags – one more widely known than the other. The year was 1970, and it was a tumultuous one for the Boston Patriots. Their league, the upstart American Football League, and the National Football League merged to play their premier season together.
Since the Patriots first season in 1960, the team had played its home games in four different venues around Boston; Nickerson Field (1960-1962), Fenway Park (1963-1968), Boston College’s Alumni Stadium (1969), and Harvard Stadium (1970). Owner Billy Sullivan was quite zealous though and did not want his franchise to be the new NFL’s equivalent of a traveling circus. He wanted a permanent stadium for his club.
Despite several attempts, Boston’s city council was unwilling to help with financing a new stadium within the city’s borders, and after being rejected for the last time in 1970, Sullivan began looking for help outside the city. He found it in Foxborough, 20 miles southwest of Boston. The town was home to the Bay State Raceway and its owners donated some of their land to Sullivan in order to keep a professional football franchise in New England. In September 1970, the construction of Schaefer Stadium (later known as Foxboro Stadium) began and the team started playing on its new home turf in 1971.
With the Patriots leaving the City of Boston to settle in a suburban area, Sullivan wanted his franchise’s name to reflect a more regional influence and subsequently exact some revenge on the city council by taking “Boston” out of the team’s name. A new name was settled upon in February 1971 – the Bay State Patriots.
The team scheduled a press conference to announce the name and issued press releases (albeit in “Boston Patriots Football Club” envelopes). There were two problems – first, the NFL had not approved the name change yet and, second, the new moniker was already appearing in local newspaper headlines, unwittingly abbreviated as “B.S. Patriots.” The day Sullivan arrived for his inaugural press conference the front page of the local paper said, “B.S. Patriots to Hire Bell,” referring to the incoming general manager Upton Bell. Every writer in town was having a field day with this epithet – the bullshit Patriots.
Sullivan and the Patriots board of directors eventually agreed to change the name and on March 22, 1971, the New England Patriots were born.
Four years later, after an abysmal 3-11 season, approximately 35 miles away in Arlington, Massachusetts, a young, frustration-fueled Bill and his darling Carolyn dirty-danced in the davenport, christening one eventual champion’s indoctrination in to the game.
Enter 2012 and the Regal Beagles. Aka Holy Cross ’98.
Regal Beagles (2012-2013)
The year was 2012, the inaugural interval of our esteemed institution. Curated in mid-July, the original twelve teams included fantasy fledgling, the Regal Beagles, whose foray into fake football was ill-fated from the get-go. Following the Commissioner’s loquacious Week 4 email on Performance Indicators, the Beagles self-reported, “My team uncategorically blows. Onward to Week 5 and the forced march to mediocrity.” The Beagles cardinal campaign was just that, mediocre, kicked off by a league-leading 7-game losing streak, which resulted in a dead last finish at 2-14.
Earning the #2 draft pick in the following 2013 season, the Regal Beagles engineered some minor improvements and scraped together six wins in the regular season stretch. Unfortunately, they missed a playoff berth by one spot. With the top Tight End in the league in 2013, Jimmy Graham, the Regal Beagles would go on to win the Consolation Bracket, finish the season in 9th place at 8-7, and successively take out their frustrations, quite violently, on the local Park Place tennis courts.
White Wes Welkers (2014-2017)
The 2014 and 2015 seasons represented a complete one-eighty and would end up being the best two seasons over this franchise’s full tenure. In 2014, the White Wes Welkers finally made their playoffs debut, finishing in 3rd place at 10-6. The 2015 season saw similar results with WWW making another tournament run, only to come up short again in the semifinals. Welkers cashed out in 3rd Place once more with a 9-7 record, led by the top Tight End in the league that year, Rob Gronkowski, and the league-leading Broncos Defense. Regardless of missing another title shot, this dude did have a penetrating grip on tight ends.
The 2016 and 2017 seasons were a far cry from the previous cycle. The Welkers never held a winning record during the 2016 campaign, ultimately missing the playoffs and finishing the season 6-9. The 2017 term included an eight seed playoff berth and a two-game playoff run, but ultimately concluded in a cashless 5th place finish at 8-8. For the first time, this franchise had dipped in to the red, fiscally, and a young Connor would continue to endure years of Liam’s sullied, threadbare hand-me-downs. It would take six years to clamber out of this cranny, yield any positive financial gains, and buy momma something nice.
The Brady Bündchen (2018-2019)
Despite the benefit of the #1 draft pick this year, the 2018 regular season was much like the last, having barely made the playoffs by way of the 8 seed. Nevertheless, this year Brady Bündchen would win a very lucky matchup in the first round, knocking off the Regular Season champion, Davante’s Inferno, in route to the finals matchup. It was an up and down season for Brady, and his finals opponent, Reason to Kerrigan, was averaging a monstrous 185.75 points per week through the playoffs. Brady never stood a chance and was subsequently crushed by more than 47 points in the finals. He would go on to finish the season at 8-8.
In 2019, Brady Bündchen put up another 8-8 record and finished 5th in the playoffs. This 5th place finish would echo through the next two seasons.
Family Jules, Game of Jones (2020-2021)
On name changes four and five, team ownership was struggling to find an identity in a Bradyless era, and could not corral a competitive playoff run. The 2020-2021 seasons resulted in 6-10 and 9-7 finishes, respectively. Both seasons concluded with 5th place finishes in an all-teams-make-the-playoffs format.
Brady Gaga (2022)
As if the last six seasons never ended, looped in some sort of Groundhog Day hallucination, Brady Gaga put together a 6-7 performance in the 2022 regular season and earned himself an all-too-familiar bottom(ish) seed in the playoffs. Although, buried underneath this sub-par record was the highest weekly output of the season in Week 8, at a monstrous 238.35 points, and an average win output of 168.14 points. So, you know what, fuck familiar.
Brady Gaga would go on to take down the #2 seed and only other league veteran yet to retain league hardware, SKOLya’gain. Sadly, SKOLya’ put up her second lowest output of the entire season, more than 30 points behind her season average. Brady then dismantled the 2020 League Champion, UWLtoDISNEY, in the semifinals by more than 41 points. In his second trip to the playoff finals, Brady would cruise past Hot Chubb Time Machine and his staff of shady trade proceeds by more than 51 points to earn the long, long awaited title of League Champion.
Ladies and gentlemen, your 2022 Lombardi Three League Champion, and Bay State Patriot,
Brady Gaga.
Hardware will be hand-delivered to our League Champion sometime this February in Annapolis, Maryland. All team owners are invited to attend. Drinks on the League Commissioner.
(All N.E. Patriots loyalists can skip the remaining content.)
This season’s final dispatch on League Veteran Brady Gaga is imminent. Flying W Awards, our Tiffany & Co., is a small mom-and-pop that enjoys a reasonable holiday recess, hence the downtime. Word on the wire indicates that the trophy has been assembled, its inner core bathed in the liturgical green and gold, the hardened exterior creamed and buffed with a fine chamois, and is awaiting final benediction from Saint Vincent Lombardi. Until then, let’s reflect on the season’s end, some lessons learned, and lay out a few minor improvements to our composition, should we continue to do this again…
Regular Season
The Vampire format seemed to work as designed. The Vampire had chances to win. In Week 2 he would have beaten five other teams in the league. In Week 9 he would have beaten four, and in Week 10 he lost to one of only two teams, two teams, that would have beaten him. Week 12 he would have beaten four teams. Tragically, the Vampire was cursed with the toughest schedule in the league, and the most Points Against by a huge margin. This worked, but it should have culminated much differently. That said, changes still need to be made.
The following rule originated from the concern that the Vampire my end up with no lottery entries for next season. Though this rule needs to apply to all team owners.
*NEW*1.2.4. STERN BEARS – Regardless of the number of wins, or lottery entries earned and deducted, all teams will be bailed out and have a minimum of three lottery entries towards next season’s draft lottery.
We will vote on league format each season going forward. After seeing the Vampire experiment play out, some teams are itching for a shot at this role.
*UPDATED*1.4. LEAGUE FORMAT – The regular season may be played under a traditional Head-to-Head format, a Points Table format, Vampire format, or some variation thereof, based on the determination of the League Commissioner and will be voted on each year by Team Owners. League format will be prescribed at least one month prior to the league draft.
I understand why the crux of this next update happened this year. It’s frustrating not getting in to the playoffs and only playing one official match during the last three weeks. For some very selfish reason, we (I) deviated from full playoff admission and limited playoff berths this year. Maybe it was because the 10 seed knocked off the odds-favorite in the championship game last season – I don’t know…
We will go back to a 10-team playoff next year to keep everyone engaged and playing, but this rule still needs to be updated should we ever deviate again in the future.
*UPDATED*1.4.3.6. HOLY WATER – If the Vampire doesn’t win a single game during the season, 50 percent of the individual league dues will be returned to the Vampire. If the Vampire sells off or trades away any players in the final weeks of the season this amendment is void. This amendment must be reviewed each year the Vampire format is played to account for updates and changes to the Vampire rules in order to make it more competitive.
The following charts indicate a pretty balanced strength of schedule (all within a 10% threshold) with the exception of Coming Tua America. The role of the Vampire had no impact on this measurement. CTA faced twice as hard a schedule as the rest of us, and we all had huge days when we faced him.
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Trade Results
I’ve updated the results of the trades executed this season through Week 16. Highlighted yellow are the results that would have benefitted those two teams had they continued to compete in weeks 15 and 16. Since the original review of these transactions in the Confidence Man, the impacts of these trades continued to echo significantly throughout the playoffs. But I won’t beat this dog any longer. If you’re that “bored,” as one team interpreted their own abhorrent decisions, then maybe these results will readjust such rank receptivity.
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Post Season
The League History page has been updated. The following results of the final standings are outlined below.
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The 7th seed in the playoffs is undefeated at 2-0. The 4th seed, the most common seed to make the playoffs finals, is 2-4 overall. After eleven seasons, the 2nd seed in the playoffs has still not made the finals and the 1st seed has only made it to the main event once.
On average, the overall #1 draft pick results in a 4th place finish. Regular Season and Playoff Champions come from teams with the overall #6 draft pick, on average, through our first eleven seasons.
Lastly, the following new rule has been added to account for what happened this season in Week 17 following Damar Hamlin’s injury and the cancellation of the Bills – Bengals game. Fortunately, our playoffs had already concluded.
*NEW*1.5. CHASING M’S – If any regular season or playoff game is cancelled by the NFL, affected players may be substituted by a player from the bench. If no viable bench options are available, tough shit.
League Leaders
QB – Coming Tua America (T. Tagovailoa MIA, 55.60 pts, Week 2)
LB – UWLtoDISNEY (D. Campbell GB, 23.80 pts, Week 7)
Single Game High Score – Brady Gaga (238.35 pts, Week 8)
Pre Season 2023
Since this Vampire format garnered some future interest, especially for teams desiring to play the Vampire role, we will update the format to accommodate these blood-thirsty parasites.
Moving forward, under this particular format, we will do two separate drafts, and team owners will declare which end of the order they want their lottery entries applied.
Top Half Draft – the teams that enter this draft lottery will be drawing for the #1 overall draft pick. Each successive lottery ball selected will fill in at #2, #3, #4, etc. until all participating teams are selected.
Bottom Half Draft – the teams that enter this draft lottery will be drawing for the #10 overall draft pick, also known as the Vampire under this format. Each successive lottery ball selected will fill in at #9, #8, #7, etc. until all participating teams are selected.
*UPDATED* 1.4.3. VAMPIRE – The Draft Lottery under this format will be split in to two (2) separate drafts – one for the 1st overall pick (Top Half Draft), and one for the 10th overall pick, or Vampire position (Bottom Half Draft). Each team owner will declare which half of the draft order they want to participate in. Following the draft lottery, the team drawn as the 10th overall pick in the draft, will be designated the Vampire for the regular season and will not participate in the league draft. Upon completion of the nine-team draft, the Vampire will fill their roster with the remaining free agents.
That’s a wrap on the season recap. One final post coming soon on our 2022 season champ.
Ken Elton Kesey was an American novelist, essayist and countercultural figure. He was considered a link between the Beat Generation of the 1950s and the hippies of the 1960s. He wrote One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest in 1960, which was an immediate commercial and critical success and was made in to one of only three films in Oscar history to take home every major award. During this same period, Kesey was participating in government studies involving hallucinogenic drugs (including mescaline and LSD) to supplement his income. Dude was an MK-Ultra OG.
The only relevant football connection I could make to this personal hero of mine was his football scholarship at the University of Oregon. However, he never played football at Oregon and ended up switching to wrestling, as it was a better fit for his build. Can you imagine this dude in Ducks spandex absolutely tooled up on horse tranquilizers and psychoactives? My god, what a time to be alive.
This character is relevant nonetheless because, frankly, it seems like some of you motherfuckers are on drugs. We have been quite bearish over the years on the trade market, but this latest trend is bordering on compulsive. And at the center of this pandemonium all season has been one CONfidence MAN taking advantage of every one of you.
Let me guess – your star players are on the decline, or have a tough schedule coming up, and all his players being offered are on the rise, about to come off injury, and prime to blow up. This huckster threw so much crap out there that once something of minimal value presented itself, it sparkled like unicorn shit in comparison to all the horrendous hogshit in front of it.
“Unicorn shit is still shit.” -Lambeau Calrissian
This is classic real estate tactics – show them all the repelling, unsellable homes first, that way you jump on the first one that looks halfway decent. Lambeau Calrissian was a hotel broker in another life – this gambit is in the 101 handbook. Let’s take a look at the 13 trades we’ve executed this season to date.
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Trade 1 was pretty even from a draft basis (both inducted in the 8th round), but the end results varied. Unused through the first few weeks, this was an honest investment by both teams looking for future value. Both ended up being traded but Chubby got the best bang for the buck.
Trade 2 has been a blood bath and not the only occasion where Hot Chubb has gotten one over on our resident dirty-bird. Amon-Ra was playing too well in the first few weeks to let go for one productive week out of six for Gabe Davis. To be fair, Hollywood Brown may finally be breathing actual air.
Trade 3 was a rules breach and violated Amendment 2.3.3 BACKSIES of our Constitution. UWLtoDISNEY probably didn’t know he was violating this rule – I mean, the guy had no idea that we were playing under a Vampire format as of two weeks ago. See league chat.
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Trade 4 in Week 9 looks like Chubby finally misfired on paper, but this was clearly a maneuver to get Kenneth Walker for future trade value. See Trade 7.
Trade 5 is regretful, and that regret has been communicated.
Trade 6 was purely strategic. DeVonta Smith was gonna get dropped anyway in order to pickup a Kicker from FA. Trading for the Kicker with best climate conditions the rest of the season was worth a stab.
Trade 7 is mindboggling. Filthy can comment as he feels appropriate. Good intentions only break good hearts.
Trade 8 was a carryover of Trade 7 communicated prior to.
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Trades 9 and 10 were complementary. Trade 9 made logical sense, but how the 7th overall draft pick with minor hip soreness gets dumped for a guy who fumbled twice the week prior and a WR3 off waivers in Trade 10 is staggering.
Trade 11 makes some sense in meeting each other’s shortfalls. Time will tell.
Trades 12 and 13 bound on rules violations of Amendment 3.4 HARA-KIRI of our Constitution. The whole point of the Vampire format is to fight to the bitter end. This will lead to new rules regarding this format. The Vampire currently gets the benefit of half his dues back if he ends up winning no games. However, selling off their players once the end is nigh obscures that benefit. Simultaneously, an eight-team playoffs this year doesn’t provide them much incentive to dwell in darkness.
The final point on these latest trades would be our draft lottery format. Despite your final standings, you need Wins to earn Lottery entries. You need to stick around and win as many games as you can, even in death. Another rule will be put in place to give the Vampire a minimal number of lottery entries despite the final outcome of the season. Anyhoo, #CommissionerProblems.
Season stats through Week 12 follow.
Strength of Schedule
Weekly Trends
Performance Scale
League Leaders (through Week 12)
QB – Coming Tua America (T. Tagovailoa MIA, 55.60 pts, Week 2)
We suck. And I’m not trying to sneak in some vampire pun here – we really suck. This was the worst Ball Gazer season in our history. We got progressively shittier each week. We went from 58% in Week 1 to 46% in Week 2 and 40% in Week 3. It’s gonna take me some time to really digest this and figure out what the hell was going on across the NFL. It’s not like we were all going against the grain on these picks.
Nothing too exciting to report in our final stab at it.
There were no consensus picks.
Brady Gaga was the only team that had the Dolphins win over the Bills.
He was also the only unit to pick his Patriots over the Ravens.
Coming Tua America was the only team that had the Jaguars win over the Chargers.
McKissic My Ass was the only team to throw his Commanders a bone.
With an opportunity to redeem his 5-11 showing in Week 2, he dropped 4-12 on us. What the fuck.
There were two remaining Bench Swaps out there carried over from previous seasons, and both were executed today.
UWLtoDISNEY exercised his final bench swap at the QB position replacing Herbert (17.55 points) with Burrow (31.75 points) for a net change of 14.20 points and a win over Bagel Time.
SKOLya’gain exercised her final bench swap at the RB position replacing Mixon (6.80 points) with Stevenson (20.10 points) for a net change of 13.30 points and a win over McKissic My Ass.
These were the last two bench swaps in league inventory. None were earned this year so we will have to wait until next season for a crack at these coveted assets.
That said, next season I will likely be implementing a new option. For $10-20 per entry, additional ball gazer submissions can be purchased. The money will simply be added to the dues paid and go towards the end of season payouts. I’m thinking:
Week 1 (14/16 correct) is $10 per additional entry,
Week 2 (13/16 correct) is $15 per additional entry, and
Week 3 (12/16 correct) would be $20 per additional entry.
Until next year…
Strength of Schedule
UWLtoDISNEY is one of two teams undefeated at 3-0 but that record is heavily inflated. In Week 2 he happened to face one of only two teams he could have beaten and, as indicated above, in Week 3 he used a bench swap to eek out another W. Even with the additional 14.2 points in Week 3, he still would have only beat two other teams that week.
On the other end of the spectrum Hot Chubb Time Machine has had a tougher go at it. He took an L in Week 3 after posting a score that would have bested six other teams that week. With an average weekly output of only 131.87 though, he is currently at the highest risk of getting bit by the Vampire. Ironically, they face off in Week 5, the final week before free agency opens back up to the rest of the league.
Free Agency
Not sure why this is so hard to grasp, but I’ll say it one last time. We are playing under a Vampire format. Do not touch the free agent pool. The fact that there is no waiver period in place should be your indicator. Normally you can’t just pick any random player up whenever you want. Normally, there is a waiver process that happens. I turned that normal process off for the Vampire. Only the Vampire has access to free agents. Your roster is your roster, no matter what condition it is in, until the conclusion of Week 5. As indicated in the Constitution, these illegal moves do have consequences and lottery entries will be deducted from your balance next season.
Personally, I find this much more relaxing – not having to sweat all the research and tactics that come with free agents each week. Not having to wake up at 4 am Wednesday morning to be the first one to grab the leftovers. The fact that we don’t have access to it means we don’t have to worry about it for a while. Enjoy it.
The Vampire
The vamp has already put up 163.65 points in a week. That’s in the top one-third of scoring so far this season. He would have bit five teams in Week 2 had he been playing them. It’s coming…
League Leaders
QB – Coming Tua America (T. Tagovailoa MIA, 55.60 pts, Week 2)
We are ten days out from the draft. League dues are salaried, board members are signed up, and the Sleeper site has been sorted. Despite my previous promulgation, I will not have the ability to place retired players in the Vampire’s draft queue. However, the Vampire’s draft picks have been manually set for them and they will automatically draft minimal players on draft day. Most are fourth string Miami Dolphins players and the Texans Defense – so don’t fret.
I will send out a Zoom invite 30 minutes before the draft for pre-draft banter and raillery. Exercise vigilance and post station early. Virtual drinks and drollery on me.
Greener eyes may have observed some activity from our league on ESPN. I have proactively fired up our COOP site there in case of emergency, i.e., if this Sleeper experiment doesn’t pan out, I have a backup plan. This is a first class institution; we will maintain continuity of operations.
DRAFT PICKS TRADED
I applied the draft picks that were traded last season in Sleeper.
Hot Chubb Time Machine traded away his 2022 4th Round Pick to Filthydelphia.
Lambeau Calrissian traded away his 2022 7th Round Pick to UWLtoDISNEY.
Hot Chubb Time Machine traded away his 2022 7th Round Pick to Coming Tua America, however, this will be carried over to the 2023 season due to the fact that the trade involves the current Vampire.
FREE AGENTS and WAIVERS
Following the conclusion of the draft, the Vampire will immediately begin to fill their roster with any available free agents not drafted. All non-vampire teams will have less than 24 hours to complete any last minute changes to their rosters. At 7:00pm EDT Thursday, September 1st, all free agent activity stops for the non-vampire teams. The waiver process will be turned off so the Vampire can add/remove player at their discretion for the first five weeks of the season. Following the conclusion of Week 5, waivers will be activated and non-vampire teams will have access to free agents. The Vampire will retain #1 waiver priority each week, or until they achieve their first six wins.
Fair warning: any team caught using the free agent pool during the first five weeks, regardless of roster status, will be fined one lottery entry and the transaction will be automatically reversed by the League Commissioner.
SCHEDULE and PLAYOFFS
The top four draft picks will be the four teams to play the Vampire twice this season. The schedule will be manually set to play those games the fist four and last four weeks of the regular season. Please read and understand the Constitution regarding “protection” options for these four teams.
Only the top eight teams make the playoffs this year. The bottom two teams will still play each week through the playoffs as losing teams get folded in to the consolation bracket.
SCORING
I cleaned up the scoring settings to match our normal setup the last few years. I changed the Sacks to 2 points, versus 3, and I set the Field Goal (FG) points to 0.1 points per FG yard. For example, if your kicker makes a 24-yard FG, you get 2.4 points for it – if they kick a 57-yard FG, you get 5.7 points for it. Easy math.
LITTLE LOMBARDIS
Lastly, I scratched the Little Lombardis AGAIN this year. You guys tell me you have people that want to play, but when I set their league up and sent out invites all I hear are crickets. Not a huge deal this year as we wouldn’t be doing relegation under the Vampire format anyway, but we do miss out on another season of these new players learning our league standards. Oh well…less for me to deal with and manage.
That’s it until draft day. If you have questions or concerns hit me up on the chat board in Sleeper.
. . . Unquenched, unquenchable, Around, within, thy heart shall dwell; Nor ear can hear nor tongue can tell The tortures of that inward hell! But first, on earth as vampire sent, Thy corse shall from its tomb be rent: Then ghastly haunt thy native place, And suck the blood of all thy race.
-Lord Byron
Welcome to Season 11 of The Lombardi Three. Welcome to the first time we are playing under the Vampire League format. Welcome to the first time we are playing under the Sleeper platform. Welcome to the Little Lombardis our future feeder league. Welcome to He11.
This year The Lombardi Three will be playing a Vampire League format. I met this dude at a bar in Philly a year back and we worked it all out. He’ll be in our feeder league this year, and subsequently crushed when he learns that he has to play under the standard head-to-head format with the rest of the Little Lombardis. More to come on these new bozos.
The Constitution has been updated to capture this new format. Take a read, i.e., do your homework and bring your concerns forward. We will discuss this Friday at 9pm during the Live Draft Lottery which will determine which team will be designated the Vampire (10th Draft Pick result). The Lottery will be held at Hot Chubb’s in Fredericksburg, VA. All Team Owners are invited to crash. Text me – I’ll let you in the back door.
LOTTERY
The following Lottery Entries have been finalized based on the results of the 2021 season. Check out the Constitution for all things Draft Lottery. The table embedded within outlines the additional +/- entries earned. If you have any questions how your total was tallied, hit me up.
The Little Lombardis owe $50. See the League Dues page for payment options.
SLEEPER
Most of you should have already received your invites. Download the Sleeper app. Our resident complainer Fully DAKcinated has already voiced his concerns. I don’t care. Nothing in this world is easy except pissing in the shower. This platform allows me to do a lot of customization as Commissioner.
1. I can set the #10 seed in the Draft, aka The Vampire, to only be able to draft retired players. Donald “Majik” Vincent Majkowski will be available.
2. I can remove myself as a participating team in the Little Lombardis league, but retain the commissioner/manager role.
There seems to be less ad bullshit too, so if this works, we’ll hopefully keep it moving forward. I know, I say that every time I find a new toy…but I’m not really asking for your blessing. I don’t need it, but it’s good to have, kinda like a driver’s license and a left hand.
DRAFT
No Party Weekend for the draft this year. I have way too much going on in August and September. I’ll try and put something together for October so we can blow off some steam. Maybe the weekend of Oct 22/23 so we can all catch the local Packers v. Commanders game together. More on that in the coming weeks.
Since we are not having a big hullabaloo for the draft, I’ve moved it to a weeknight as not to interrupt anyone’s weekend plans.
The 2022 The Lombardi Three Draft is currently scheduled for Wednesday, August 31 at 7pm. Draft Order pending the results of the Lottery.
The 2022 Little Lombardis Draft is currently scheduled for Tuesday, August 30 at 7pm. Draft Order pending full league partnership and randomization.
LITTLE LOMBARDIS
Every season I feel like I have at least a dozen agents of chaos showing up on my front porch with two black shirts, two pairs of black pants, one pair of black boots, two pairs of black socks, one black jacket, and $500 personal burial money, all looking to sacrifice themselves for the greater good.
I have sent first set of invites out to Lombardi Veterans and those on the long-term waiting list. Rules are simple – minimum 8 teams, head-to-head format, no trophy, cash winnings and the winner each year gets an invite to The Lombardi Three. Bottom team in The Lombardi Three each season will be relegated down to the Little Lombardis and have to earn their way back in the league. There are two exceptions: (1) all veterans, who have been in the league since its inception, are immune from relegation, and (2) we pause relegation during specialty-format seasons like this one. Please review the Constitution for all the details on this new feeder league. Get smart on it – it could be you someday.
See everyone (virtually) on Friday. Participation is not mandatory but drinking is. It’s been a long offseason and our collective tranquility needs to be refurbished.
As much as I didn’t want to succumb to this common detail, creatively, the obvious theme of this season was ‘10′. This was our 10th season, curated down to 10 teams, each armed with a 10-position roster. Of course the team with the 10th pick in the draft, finishes 10th Place in the regular season, and goes on to win this thing. Need more? On 10/10, this team scored the lowest output of the season. And then, in Week 10, scored the second lowest output of the season. Makes sense…I guess we should have known he had it in the bag the whole time.
The finals matchup in Week 17 came all the way down to the Sunday night game featuring the Minnesota Vikings versus the Green Bay Packers and the performance of Running Back Aaron Jones. The eventual champion needed 12.85 points to take the lead and win the matchup. On 1st and 10, Aaron Jones’ 10th touch of the game was a 28-yard rush officially cementing the fantasy championship.
I don’t have the soundtrack to give this much more credence. Statistically this year’s champ was all over the map. He only had one tough loss in Week 13 when he faced one of the only two teams in the league that could have beaten him that week, but otherwise faced a pretty balanced schedule. If there was ever evidence that this is anyone’s trophy to win any given season, this was it. This team’s return from the dead will be the primary theme for next season. So when you’re grinding your teeth down to the stumps next year, you have him to thank for it.
Ladies and gentlemen, our 2021 League Champion
Glass Is Half Fuller
The TL3 Logo has been updated to reflect two large stars representing five years each.
League History
The League Historypage has been updated to capture the results of the 2021 Season. You can right-click on the image to expand it in a new browser tab or window. I implore each of you to take a very close look at our history. Perhaps this will more accurately align your focus next year, and you can quit wanking about what one team scored on a Thursday matchup before the week has barely begun…or quit whining all season about the guy that hasn’t won shit in four years. Just sayin’.
Of particular note:
Glass is Half Fuller has won the League Championship twice in the last four years, was in the Finals matchup three of the last four years, and has the highest net cash winnings in league history. This is the mother fucker with all your trophies and money.
Filthydelphia has won the Regular Season Championship three years in a row now and has the third highest net cash winnings in league history. Don’t be blinded by his soft, nice guy bullshit. His win streak is longer than Genetic Black Jesus’, and that guy was the devil.
The following represents the updated results of the Playoff Finals matchups and the record by Playoff Seeding. No #1 or #2 Regular Season finisher has ever won the Championship. Six of our ten League Champions finished the Regular Season with a #6 seed or lower.
The following represents the updated results of each season by Draft Pick. Only twice has the #1 Draft Pick resulted in a Regular Season Championship, and only twice has it resulted in a League Championship.
Strength of Schedule
The following represents the results of the Regular Season. The 2021 season included six Tough Losses (three for Davante’s Inferno) and eight Lucky Wins (two each for SKOLya’gain, Coming Tua America, and Lockin UWL). To recap, a Tough Loss is a Loss despite having a Top 3 score that week, and a Lucky Win is a Win despite having a Bottom 3 score that week. While Game of Jones only had one Tough Loss by the Top 3 metric, he had the highest Points Table results on the season and would have finished with the #1 seed in the playoffs had we been under that format.
2021 Single Game Stat Leaders
Single Game – SKOLya’gain (229.2 pts, Week 4)
QB – Coming Tua America (J. Herbert LAC, 54.80 pts, Week 5)
K – Glass Is Half Fuller (D. Carlson, 21.00 pts, Week 12)
2021 Season Total Stat Leaders
Total Points – Davante’s Inferno (2,760.30 pts)
QB – Davante’s Inferno (J. Allen BUF, 520.65 pts)
RB – Davante’s Inferno (J. Taylor IND, 373.10 pts)
WR – Filthydelphia (C. Kupp, 443.30 pts)
TE – Game of Jones (M. Andrews BAL, 308.10 pts)
LB – Lockin UWL (F. Oluokun, 203.00 pts)
DEF – Game of Jones (Cowboys DAL, 329.40 pts)
K – Glass Is Half Fuller (D. Carlson, 168.00 pts)
Next Season
Next year, a new eight to ten team league called The Little Lombardis will be created to run concurrent to, and act as a feeder league to, The Lombardi Three. The Lombardi Three will remain a ten team league for the foreseeable future. This new feeder league will operate like the English Premier League each season where the bottom two teams from The Lombardi Three will be relegated to The Little Lombardis, and the top two teams from The Little Lombardis will be promoted to The Lombardi Three. Initially, priority invites will go out to previous league members. In the meantime, let me know if you have any serious players you would like to nominate for consideration. We will need a few more teams. More details to follow in the offseason.
Other changes next year will likely include increased dues, additional lottery ball entries based on season results, and a new fantasy platform. Right now I am toying with the features in Sleeper, but will ultimately be looking for a site that can best accommodate next season’s new format.
Last but not least, next year we will play in a rare format that we have never played before. Updates will be made to the Constitution in the offseason to incorporate this new style of play. Accordingly, the new 2022 TL3 Logo has been released.
The Lombardi Three 